The Futility Of Chasing Seagulls And Other Deep Thoughts

Diggin' the beach, not the seagulls

We are very nearly halfway through January. Mind-boggling, eh? Does time go faster when you get older? Or is it because we had a one-week vacation and time goes faster during vacation?

Time is as elusive as those seagulls on the beach. I've had 14 kids and not once has one of my kids caught a seagull on the beach. That's 26 years of futility. Only the Cincinnati Bengals can match that kind of failure. (In case you are wondering, I'm a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan. So yeah, Saturday night's glorious Pittsburgh victory over the dreaded Bengals in the NFL playoffs was thoroughly exhilarating, not to mention exhausting.)

Let's face it, seagulls look dumb. I mean, they just sort of stand there on the beach, looking at the ocean, not really doing anything. Do they have a job? Besides pooping on the sand?

Do they catch stuff to eat? I mean with robins you can watch them thrust their beak into the ground and bag a worm now and again. Chickens scratch the ground and cluck and maybe root around for some grubs and stuff. There's a purpose to it.

But seagulls? It's my opinion they're just sitting around waiting for a handout. That's not living. No way, no how.

And they're always baiting my kids. For literally decades my little shavers have "snuck up" on seagulls, stealthily tracking their prey only to be thwarted at the last second by those beguiling birds.

It's like watching Charlie Brown try and kick the football as Lucy holds it. Or watching Wile E. Coyote try to trap the Roadrunner. Ain't gonna happen.

So maybe that's the point. Maybe, just maybe, the sole purpose of seagulls is to sit around on the beach and bait kids like mine into chasing them to give the kids an outlet and a little exercise.

Maybe I should go easier on the seagulls because as you'll see from the video I'm linking to below, they can be pretty entertaining.

Link: Sabo vacay video

Things Kids Say: Judah's Words Of Wisdom

The coveted green light saber

Judah is our resident 4-year-old who is as extroverted as a Sabo kid comes. He loves people, loves to interact and loves to talk. And he says the funniest things sometimes.

The other morning I was here on the couch starting the morning off right -- reading my Bible and enjoying some coffee. The house is quiet, the kids are still sleeping and I'm in the word with a cup o' joe. Doesn't get much better in the morning.

For some reason Judah had migrated to the couch across from me during the night and was in a heavy state of slumber. As I'm reading I notice him stirring. Then he opens his eyes, starts to sit up and looks right at me. He blinks a couple of times and then says, "The green light saber is longer than the blue one."

Was he dreaming about the green light saber? Was it some sort of prophetic vision involving a light saber duel? I can't be sure. All I know is that the green light saber is longer than the blue one. What else would I need to know?

The other day Seth sat at the table enjoying a yogurt. It was one of those generic little store brand containers of yogurt he was plowing through. It looked pretty tasty to Judah as he sauntered in from the other room where he took a brief pause from watching TV so he asked MerriGrace for one. She dutifully brought him one and while she was still within earshot he opened it and came to a rather devastating revelation: "Holy smokes," he said somewhat under his breath. "I'm going to spill this all over the place."

But he quickly recovered and came to his senses with a request. "MerriGrace," he said, looking over her way in the kitchen. "Can I take this into the family room. I promise I won't spill it."

Needless to say, he ate the yogurt with Seth at the table. I will point out that Judah polished off about half of the container of his yogurt. Seth devoured off two of them.

Another time we were driving home from Taylor's wedding and Judah was in one of the back seats next to Ethan. He and Ethan had a very lively conversation on the way home and we all got lots of laughs. We were in West Virginia somewhere and talking about stopping for a snack at a convenience store. We talked about picking up cans of black beans and corn to snack on. "Who eats black beans and corn?" Ethan said.

Judah had a quick answer: "Seagulls do!"

We have no idea where that came from but you just never know what will go through his mind. And usually what goes through his mind comes out of his mouth. As we proceeded through West Virginia the kids were trying to agree on a movie to watch on the portable DVD players in the van. Ethan suggested "The Santa Clause" starring Tim Allen. But Judah objected. Rather vociferously.

"Oh man!" he said. "That's the worstest movie ever!"

I have a sneaking suspicion Judah was holding out to watch one of the Star Wars movies. After all, he's apparently a kid who dreams about light sabers.