Happy 13th Birthday To Gabe

Gabe teaching Seth the finer points of rivah wading.

Gabe is celebrating his 13th birthday today, which means that among other things we're back up to having five teenagers in the house.  Gave is a brother with a big heart and an easy, contagious laugh. Just ask Claire. When Gabe really gets to cackling Claire just loses it and starts giggling as well.

He loves animals and every morning faithfully transports our bunny, Flopsy, from her spacious hutch to her bunny cage in the yard. Flopsy has become something of a neighborhood mascot. I've had people ask where I live and when I describe it several people have said, "Oh, the house with the bunny in the yard." Yep.

If you see Gabe in the front yard, he will wave to you. And keep waving until you wave back. So please wave back. Gabe loves the beach and catching minnows and little blue crabs in his net. He loves the snow and likes to ride his bike around the yard and will spend hours on end building Legos.

He likes to play soccer but is one of those kids who likes more to be a part of the team and making friends than the competition aspect of it. He's worked hard over the years and has become a very good soccer player, but he's one of those kids that is simply a great teammate who encourages the other players, is unselfish and works hard.

He's a joy to have as a son. Gabe is kind, patient, thoughtful and a good big brother, quick to help his little brothers.

Happy birthday Gabe. We love you.

With 14 Kids, Our Budget For Christmas Shopping Is ...

The gift of giving

I get asked fairly frequently this time of year what Christmas shopping is like in our house. It's hard for people to wrap their head around shopping for a family our size, apparently. By way of an answer, here's the insider's perspective.

Last week, MerriGrace went around with a clipboard, paper and pencil and asked her brothers and sisters what they want for Christmas. It took her two days, four sheets of paper, two pencils, one eraser and a partridge in a pear tree to compile the list. Just kidding! She got it done in fairly short order and I have looked over the list. It includes items that range from chocolate, to a book of systematic theology -- Judah can't wait to start reading!* -- to various colors of light sabers, to Legos (We need more Legos? How about if I just give back the ones permanently embedded in my feet from stepping on them?) to all sorts of Star Wars paraphernalia.

All in all, it's a solid list of modest requests. MerriGrace has actually checked out online the requests and tallied the bottom line at $660 for all the presents. Now as a disclaimer, the list is blank for four of the older kids so it's far from comprehensive. So the average is $66 per kid. If you throw in the four kids who at this point are getting "unknown" for Christmas and calculate their costs at $66 each, the total bill for Christmas for the 14 Sabo kids would be $924, not including tax (unless we can get family and friends to buy the presents in tax-free Oregon and ship them to us.)

But we're not spending $924 on Christmas. I can assure you of that. If you really want the inside scoop on what Christmas shopping is like in the Sabo house, ask MerriGrace. Ok well, not really. For the inside scoop on Christmas shopping in the Sabo house, we sat down for an interview with Julie Sabo.

Q: Hey babe, you got a minute?
A: Um, is it important?
Q: Probably the most important thing you will do all day. Wait, that's not a question ...
A: (Eye roll).
Q: It's going to take like, literally, three minutes.
A: I was really hoping to get some school done with your children, but since it's soooooo important ...
Q: You're the best babe. You've got `Mom of the Year' locked up.
A: The question?
Q: Right. So people are always asking me about Christmas shopping for 20 kids or whatever we have these days.
A: It's 14. Do you tell them we get them toys, movies, video games, clothes and things like that? Things off the list MerriGrace makes?
Q: Well, yeah. I mean, I will. But this "list" you mentioned, what's that like?
A: It's right over there on the clipboard.
Q: I was hoping you could tell me about it ... (flashes cheesy smile).
A: (Sigh). Is this for your blog?
Q: (Silence followed by more cheesy smiling.)
A: We have everybody write a wish list but they all know that we'll pick one or two of the things on the wish list and that's all. And we usually wrap everybody's gifts in one package so that even if one of the kids has three gifts worth $30 or one gift for $30 it's all one Christmas present from "Mom and Dad." And Christmas isn't all about the gifts for us.
Q: It's not about the gifts. You are so right. It's all about ... I mean, Christmas is totally all about ...
A: It's about being together and being with the family. There's so much joy!
Q: Exactly what I was going to say!
A: I could tell.
Q: So what happens if a kid is hoping for a more expensive item? What if they ask for say, a new iPad?
A: The only one who asked for a new iPad was you.
Q: I mean, hypothetically speaking. Let's say someone like Seth asked for an iPad.
A: Well our kids know that that's not a possibility in our family.
Q: Yes, of course. I mean, Seth's like 2 years old. I'm sure an iPad isn't on his list. It was just, you know, a hypothetical. So I understand our kids have a cool little Christmas tradition where they have a gift exchange. Is that what they do?
A: Yes.
Q: They do something like draw each other's names out of a hat and get each other a gift. Right?
A: (Nodding.)
Q: Would there by any price restrictions on these gifts the kids exchange?
A: Not really. The older kids spend more. It's money they have earned, but we do help out the little kids with paying for their gifts.
Q: That's a great idea. A gift exchange for the kids. Did your husband come up with that idea?
A: Nice try. The kids came up with the idea. Remember? Everyone wanted to give each other gifts and that was the best way to go about it. Who could afford to give a gift to each of their 13 brothers or sisters?
Q: Exactly. So what sorts of things do the kids usually buy each other?
A: Candy, movies out of the $5 bin, used video games, inexpensive jewelry, toys from a dollar store. The kids have a blast with it, as I'm sure you know.
Q: (Nodding vigorously.) Do all the kids like this gift exchange?
A: Yes. They totally get into it. The little kids get so excited to see the older kids open their gifts. It's so much fun.
Q: One of the highlights of my year. No doubt about it. That about wraps it up for me babe. Thank you so much. You're such a great interview.
A: You're welcome.

And there you have it. Christmas in the Sabo house. On a budget of somewhere around $30 per kid, give or take a few bucks. We also have a tradition where we go around and open gifts one at a time, youngest to oldest, celebrating everyone's gift and making a million memories.

The One Thing To Encouraging Creativity In Your Kids

"The Ballerinas" -- A drawing by MerriGrace

I had this thought this evening that I am enjoying the golden age of Sabo creativity. Over the past four weeks as our older kids who are in college spent time at home our house was cozily full of people, doubled as a 24-hour restaurant, featured a virtual parking lot full of cars and was a hub of creativity. Music, art, stand-up comedy, cooking, you name it. There was simply this amazing confluence of creativity in a variety of expressions.

Evie and MerriGrace were painting and drawing; Taylor and Ethan, both self-taught guitar players, were writing and singing songs; Claire and Madeline were playing instruments such as guitars, keyboards and the cajon and singing and Claire was cooking ... Brenton is an artist with his coffee-making and a gifted Bible teacher. I could go on down the list. Abram's Legos creations are remarkable. Judah makes us laugh with his creative use of language and expressions and so does Seth.

I was thinking about this after MerriGrace showed me one of her pencil drawings. I think it's beautiful and I was wondering what, if anything, has sparked all this originality in various mediums. Are they born with it? Is it something genetic. I like to joke that I was born without the left side of my brain, the part that's for math and science. I'm more the writing type, I guess, so maybe that's where some of this stems from. Julie is a musician; she sings and plays the piano so maybe that's where the kids get their music chops because it certainly isn't me.

Who knows. It's probably a combination of things and it will be interesting if somewhere in the long line of Sabo kids we get an engineer. Or a mathematician. Maybe even a rocket scientist.

As I was kicking around these things the thought struck me that maybe it's just the way they've played together that has led to these creative giftings. I haven't done any research on it and haven't made this a thesis for my Ph.D. But something I know about a large family and how the kids play together is that it's very creative and encourages creativity.

One of their favorite games over the years has been "Town." They all dress up -- even the older kids get in on the action -- and they each have a role in the town. There's doctors, lawyers, cops, bad guys, teachers, storekeepers, bankers and everything else that makes up a town. They make business signs and currency and dress up in the various costumes and come up with laws and regulations that any town has to have to function. It's really pretty amazing and requires a good level of cooperation. They learn to work together and to be a part of a team. They come up with town story lines and elaborate plots ... and they have a blast. The games of "Town" have lasted all day sometimes. Cousins and friends have gotten involved.

Who knows. Maybe it has something to do with it. Maybe more parents should encourage their kids to play together and see what comes out of it. Then again, it's possible our kids are gravitating
to their God-given talents in art, music and cooking. Whatever the case, I know that I love to hear the music, see the art and watch them fully engage in the creative process. Truly, I'm a blessed father.

Parenting Hazards 101: Tiptoeing Through The Toys

The parental equivalent of walking on hot coals.

I think I may need surgery. For the millionth time I have stepped on a toy, causing what I perceive to be irreparable damage to my foot. You would think after 25 years of stepping on 14 kids' millions or billions of toys I would have learned my lesson and taken proper protective measures. Yes, that's right. I should be walking through my house with steel-toed boots. It's every parent's nightmare: You are walking along engaged in something else -- say an iPhone where you are stalking someone on Facebook checking the weather or catching up on the stock markets in Asia -- and you make that fateful step.

A Lego.

A Thomas the Tank train engine.

A Barbie dolly's high heel.

A Lightning McQueen race car.

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

A toy gun, a Paw Patrol ATV, a Planes "Dusty" airplane, a dress up high heel, a toy earring, any of a thousand different action figures, a toy fork, a Mr. Potato Head nose, a trophy from the youth soccer team, a battery, a light saber, a building block ... I think you get the idea.

I believe if I were to go under the knife a surgeon might find tiny fragments of toys embedded in my feet. Who knows, a surgeon might find enough Legos to make a house.

I bet if upon my demise I were to be mummified, a couple of thousand years from now archaeologists who would stumble upon my remains would puzzle over the collection of tiny plastic building block type things that appeared to have been deposited in the soles of my feet. I envision someone obtaining a Ph.D. writing a paper ascertaining the meaning behind it.

It's one of the great hazards of parenting. Every day we run the gauntlet of toys on the floor, hoping -- praying -- we won't take that fateful step. Of great concern is the nighttime "walk of death." Anyone with hardwood floors knows what I'm talking about. You are on your way to the bathroom in the dark of night, tiptoeing past the kids' bedroom to not wake up the baby and then it happens: You have stepped on Lightning McQueen and it's like they've dropped the green flag at a NASCAR race. The car slips out from underneath you and you are literally flying through the air, half-awake and trying to contain your bladder, and knowing that above all you cannot utter a single sound for fear of waking the baby and you land not just with a bone-crunching thud, but right on top of Luigi, Guido, Mater, Sally, Sarge and Fillmore, who are now embedded, possibly permanently, in your backside. Some people get tattoos. Parents get toys affixed to their bodies, though not by choice. Above all, remember you cannot utter a sound. You must suffer in silence.

When I see a parent limping, my mind automatically thinks, "Oof. That looks serious. Bet they stepped on a Lego." Short of getting rid of all the toys in the house -- I've thought of that more than once -- I don't know how to properly take preventive measures. Other than checking online with the iPhone for deals on steel-toed boots. During which I nearly broke my foot stepping on Thomas the Tank while on my way to fetch my credit card.

I Know What Causes That

Somewhere along the line my wife Julie and I decided to really go for it. When we married our initial ambition was to have two kids. It seemed like a good number at the time and we figured we'd have two boys who would be best friends and do what boys do. You know, things like play Legos together, wrestle around some, take their shirts off for no apparent reason -- typically in a grocery store or at church -- and drop their britches in the front yard and pee as the neighbors drove by. The boys would wave, of course. I wouldn't want them to be unneighborly when they're peeing in the yard after all. Anyway, they would do all of the things that boys do that horrify their mothers, especially mothers like Julie who had no brothers and was uninitiated to the rather crude, aggressive, obnoxious and yet lovable ways of little boys.

But things got a little crazy in the Sabo house. Somehow, shortly after the arrival of our second son Julie got pregnant with a third son. I say somehow because the #2 Sabo, a lad named Taylor, was just 5 months old when the immaculate conception occurred -- while she was still nursing the wee boy no less! We'd been told she wouldn't get pregnant while nursing. Let me just say that is complete bunk. Nursing and pregnancy go hand in hand with Julie and I say that from experience.

Anyway, after the third Sabo, a chap we named Ethan, who followed the firstborn Brenton and Taylor, the thought occurred to us that if we had our way we would be Ethanless. Which I admit on some moonlit nights, when he pulled all-night, colic-induced fussing sessions, didn't sound so bad. But we loved Ethan in that crazy way that parents love their children. That thing where you hold your baby and sniff that sweet eau de baby and caress the softest, most beautiful skin you've ever felt and listen to those quick little breaths and there's peace and joy and love and unbridled affection all at once. There's nothing else like it in the world. Truly our children are gifts from God.

And so we thought three boys would be perfect. Until somehow Julie got pregnant with Claire. So we accepted Claire as God's blessing in our lives. Now things were really perfect with three boys and a little daddy's girl. Until along came Evie. It was at this point that we quit dabbling, somewhat ineffectively I might admit, in birth control and accepted God's desire for us to have kids. Lots of them. We took to heart the Biblical concept of "Go forth and multiply" and did our best to live it out.  So the pattern of Sabo child birthing continued pretty much unabated, not just for years mind you, but decades. Yes, decades. Julie has given birth to 14 little blessings, spanning four different decades. The '80s, '90s, '00s and '10s have all been graced by the arrival of little Sabos, who presently number 9 males and 5 females, ranging in age from 25 to 18 months.

Over the years, the number one comment from people who learn about our extraordinary number of offspring is, "Do you know what causes that?"  My answer is yes. Yes I know what causes that. I reckon we're pretty good at it.